End's Coming

My dear lady...what have you gotten yourself into? Twisting a game which finally twists yourself? I pity myself but yet i pity you more. The truth hurts dosent it as the pieces come fitting together like a puzzle? I can already see the light at the end of the tunnel for me, and I will survive this twisted maze with glory even if I have lost. Unfortunately, I may not be able to say the same for you. At what price would you pay for your victory? Would it be worth it? I can answer those for myself.

We will see for it is end's coming.

Cloulded Judgment

Foolishness.

After a good wake up call from my friend's post down below. I for one woke up from a long sleep walk, at least for this moment. We live in a world of logic and rationality. As much as sexual attraction is needed to make us copulate and survive, what I call love in many cases is chemistry and is literary chemistry. It is the hormones in our brain rushing amongst the networked web of information and interpretation and in result to make us feel. Even feeling is not vague or incomprehensible; we know which part of our brain feels fun, feels sad. Many while reading this may feel disgruntled, or shocked that I would say this yet this is why:

First and foremost, as much as love is the spice of life, we are living in a world of realism, not fantasy. Dreams and idealism maybe a driving force but it is definitely not what makes the world go around. Marriage is a partnership of financial reasons, it will and can’t work about it, and successful relationships are properly managed between each portion of each person's life. In the end courtships work because of one person’s successful effort on his actions may it be how he or she touches upon the partner’s emotions and successfully be convinced. There is no good reason for a person to stalk their ex because they can’t move on. It is against the law as well. :P

I am a person of strict rationality because I have seen a lot of things goes fucking wrong because idiots are being manipulated by their feelings. There is no justification in making a foul attempt and action based on your intention. Not then, not now, not ever in the future. I find myself in another light for one reason; I am clouded by my judgment, being confused and aimless. It’s time wake up. I myself have been manipulated by my own emotions. Pathetic. I pride myself in a lot of instances for being able to make decisions at the worst of times, it did not fail me and neither do I want to start now.

Courtship is just a more complicated psychological reasoning that is all. Even in the mist of emotional high, there is reasoning for it. That is the pride of sanity - reasoning and in this I should not make a pointless fuss over how to react. I have not been calculative enough; I did not see the true meaning moving between the lines of emotions. It’s time to wake up.

No I have not lost love but in fact is stronger than I can be because I am in control. I am more comfortable because I see my focus. I see the end of the tunnel. It is time to wake up, time to wake up. It is time to make it work.

Currently listening to: The Corrs

Life. Exprience. No Regrets.

Some of you might already know of my interest in a particular female. However what has happened is not of importance. It is how one's choices are that dictates the results. For me, it has been a big pot of confusion and rewards.

Simply, I have made choices that at times may not be the best, yet each misfortune leaves a door open. A simple miscommunication that lead to a better understanding. Even then if you made a bad choice, what would it bring? I would say only a fool would want to cuddle in their sorrow and regret. I find each pass of time is an invaluable experience well learnt, even if it has cost more than lives.

An experience is not just a view, an image or a sentence to me. It is enlightenment to a soul. Realization of the big pictures, things around you and how they interact. The best one I tasted of recent is where one of my choice in a chat with her lead to maze of mirrors. Every decision you make repelled back to you, magnified. In the aftermath, and the confusion I stood in a void between earth and hell. Supposedly a horrific experience, yet I feel enlightened. I saw "it". The image some might call heaven that flashes across you. I disagree on it being heaven, I call it truth. I drifted back to earth in time but the experience stayed. A door that has always be in front of me, originally invisible and locked come into view.

Yesterday, the door leads me to a 4am relaxation in the park during the night. It was earthly at its best. Even if heaven opened their doors for me, I would stay. It did not present anything of amazement, but having her there, it was more any thrill or excitement. It was euphoria and comfort. Simple.

What brings forward from this door I have yet to see. But for all that it brings, life moves on for I have no regrets shall so it happen it is experience. By the Way, this is the surprise girl if anyone dint realizes.

To get an idea of what best connects to what I think and feel, White Shadows by Coldplay. Go.

Basket Case

New phrase, new life, new girlfriend. Whoa, hold on the melodrama there, lest fantasy turns to nightmare. That was what happened. Reality never let one shred of fantasy stick. Even water are able to stick to glass, this is a fucking oil pool. I'd choose to be a realist anytime, thanks.

Oh yes you learn a lot of from a simple date. Such as light blubs that light up and just wont die. It resembles having sex or masturbate (your choice of one) while a spotlight shines on you. It all began harmless enough when I gone out on a meet someone. There were supposed three people, with me and the female (oh lets just call her Charming glasses, my god I'm mean.) and her friend. Charming glasses as the appropriate female is fashionably late. I'm of no concern for that but when she showed up, my hormones just died. Instant brain cramp. Fashion kills. I apologies for anyone who might be offended, but I DISTASTE hongkie fashion. I don’t hate the person or the choice as I understand fads are just another brainwash but this is just overkill. Sorry, I'm just not to share the sentiment of it. Not then, not now, not ever. Fine, I would be seen too harshly judging people by their appearance but for those who know better, I don’t. It does not change my opinion of her but attractions aren’t logical right? : P

Okay lets get back to the lunch. Charming Glasses had an instant boring welcome from me too, cause I would say as she mentioned I seem "unenergetic" and "down". Oh how true at then but that was not me at all. Not thanks to your fashion >.<. Alright, I was hungry, damned hungry and yearning for a memorable lunch. I made a quick snap excuse that I had a bad sleep but to no avail. In the end, it was both a bad start, yet as such it is only a start. Maybe it could get better?

"Where do you want to eat?" - Her

"Your choice"- Me

First blood! Opps, I let her choose. I had no idea then, but that was the forerunner to my doomed lunch. Yes it wasn’t the fashion. The fashion might be torture, but her choice of place killed me. She chooses the sushi bar in my campus which was not what I had in mind with a growling stomach but alas choices had been made and I am not the person to change it. Second Blood! She met her friends. OH.NO. Do takes note that we haven’t even sat down, Okay, it wasn’t a deal to be alone anyway, fine since this is somewhat of a meet and greet session why not make the best of it. Not that I have a choice. Her first friend was friendly enough but let’s just keeps to that XD. It was a typical affair with what's your name (which I forgot... as usual), where are you from (which I remember but wont tell: P), and the likes. No, if you were wondering I didn’t ask her age.

"When things want to go wrong, they will and with a bang" - Murphy's Law.

Another friend of hers showed up.

Apparently she is quite the socialite and she is lucky to a certain degree as those were ex-Taylorians. Oh yes big clue, go do your investigation. XD That in all "we" just sat together and have some chat, and the forty five minutes passed quite smoothly, not that I got a great deal of information nor was the best of meet session, but granted, it was not the worst. Hey at least no food spilled on her. Oh yes speaking of food, the chicken teriyaki was good, don’t take the salmon. Horrid. Pungent.

All in all, I can only say that it was bad because I dint even have a good lunch. Look on the bright side; at least I got her birthday. But with friendster nowadays, it was useless all the same.

Next time: Melbourne Commonwealth Games 2006 night of lights, the last laugh of a nerd and a new surprise girl. /gg

Speaker check?

So after a few weeks of delay this project finally came abound. It gone through a few hilarious name nominations ranging from the melodramatic "Paradox Aquarium" to the utterly meaningless "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious".

In the end we choose this and in cases this is a tribute to an open air bar in Melbourne where we had fun just lounging around. All in this entire project was launched more or less because separately we are lazy bums to write while if we can group together it would be a motivation to write and chronicle our beginning of an end. For myself I'm targeting 3 posts per week so it isn't too bad.

The irony is that if I don't start studying soon, the beginning of an end is going to end real soon: P I got an assignment due on 20th but that is quite reasonable compared to the business courses where they already have 2 or 3 assignment. However even under those conditions I would love to expand this blog into something nicer with: custom design, better layout, and the cliché "listening to" or "mood now or something".

In the end, my hope is that this project is going to be successful with my friends. Port Forward! *cough* sorry bad joke.